Have you pinched a Capricorn today?

Picture this - tarot cards, a stale cup of coffee, and the latest brilliance of Crazy Aunt Purl. Someone, wait this someone

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
If you are any kind of Capricorn at all, you have spent at least one day this week doing the following: thinking obsessively about your finances, thinking obsessively about your housing situation, thinking obsessively about your transportation situation, thinking obsessively about your love life. Or, perhaps, you have done ALL THESE THINGS and still, you have arrived at no solution at all, and you are ready to do any of the following: change your hairstyle, go on a crazy shopping spree, move to (insert city), change your career, smack someone upside the head when they look at you even a teensy bit crossways. I would say that Capricorns are maybe not to be messed with this month. Ya'll are maybe a wee bit on the tense side. HOWEVER. Might I point out (before you smack me upside the head) that August brings with it a lot of actual logistical change in your life, and planning for the future is a good thing, and you'll be more relaxed at month's end than you can even envision right now. Once the new moon on the 23rd passes, you'll be ready for September and ready for fall without all the obsessive worrying. Try not to assault too many people between now and then.

lies next to you snoring, and because you are this person
CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Ya'll, what the HELL has happened to the romance sector of our astrological lives? Is someone up there just MAD at us?

you are tying tiny, too tight nots in knit and purl realizing that a dull point could still make an impact. And, the only thing that saves you from endulging in an act of pure vileness is that you can't spare one because you're about to finish your first sweater and the needles are all tied up doing the shoulder shaping....which someone is probably hoping takes until after the new moon.