The Artsy Fartsy Knitter

The fever has finally cleared and my face has stopped twitching. My cough sounds somthing like a barhag smoking kools with scotch but, hey, it could be worse. Here, I have proof that i knit and that I don't lie. Okay, I rarely lie. There is actually more knitting but I fear that if I also show off the last round of hats I made for the Knit for the Kidlets drive, ya'll may become overwhelmed and then expect me to produce this amount of worthy knitting on a regular basis.

I got the book "Knitting Goddess" by Deborah Burgman this Yule. I know, I know, it has been out for years but ya'll should realize by now that trendy is not in my gene pool. I've always liked the book but so rarely buy knitting books that it took a while. The first project I yearned to try out was the 'Arachne Shrug'. Now, you will notice right away that MY 'Arachne Shrug' looks nothing like the one the pattern is for. Consider this: The whole dogged tale is about little village girl Arachne being visited by Athena the powerful and pure (possibly frigid) and well known for her spinning, weaving and stitchery goddess-stuff. But, little Arachne notices that Athena does everything in a methodical, traditional manner. And, well, she has IDEAS, plans, crazy things she'd like to try. Of course, the village women (you gotta love the gossip brigade) poo-poo her for even thinking she can weave as well as the almighty Athena. And, folks, Athena is not known to be real humble so she probably scorns the dirty little girl a bit, too. Well, the cat claws come out and little Arachne abhors them all by weaving a phenominal tapestry unheard of in skill with one minor flaw - it depicts many of the gods and goddesses in, uh- how to say it, 'bare' and vulnerable positions. Ha ha ha. Vengence is mine!

So, I scaled the pattern and then threw it out. This yummy hanspun angora that I first tea-dyed, and then overdyed in acid dyes - blue, of course, was begging to be the cuffs (so soft on the arms in the morn when you're reaching over for your coffee cup) and the collar. The rest is a two ply with one strand in navy and another in a mix I called 'Lady Starlight' which the Yarn Harlot spun and posted on her blog over the summer - as if she didn't know that would make me hyper-ventilate and near pass out! I never thought myself a 'shrug' person - but I totally love this contraption. It will be worn over my nightgown because even though this is the year I vow to stop hunching over and being embarassed about the immense boobage - this little doohickey shows them off a little too much for me to venture out in public without needing a list of confessionals from point A to point B. What do you expect from a girl that didn't wear open-toed sandals until she was 32 with three kids for fear the Southern trash-hag curse would hit her?

Please note that the model for this post is none other that my beloved Thing 1. She asks that you not look at her hair and made me promise to cut her face off of all the pics as we are all getting over the flu. I had it the worst and, because I am also the person that all THINGS call out in the night for when they are sick, I also got the least rest - despite hubster's generous care and diligent efforts to get me naps. I think she only did it out of pity - or worse, fear that I would take photos of myself - all pale and crusty - and give them out to the world. At last, the Elvish hippie sweater is done. Thing 1 loves the stich-n-bitch books - and is an avid fan of Deb Stoller in general. She was quick to point out the 'types of knitters' when I first thumbed through the pages. We all laughted as I read them out and everyone said - stop! at the artsy-fartsy knitter descriptyion. They needn't hear more to know that that particular description fits me like a poorly knit but totally originally designed glove. So what if the rose bobble collar didn't come out quite like I wanted, and one sleeve is 1 inch longer than the other. C'mon and cut me some slack - I was freestyling it and, even if it was finished after many others, it was my first attempt at a sweater. Besides, if it was flawless I probably wouldn't wear it for its intended purpose - lambing season and working around the farm. I'm getting tired of people looking at my sweaters and saying, 'did you knit that?' only to have me turn red in shame and confess that I rarely knit for myself.