Spinning, Knitting, Crocheting, Organic Gardening, Living off-grid, and chasing sheep - because- I'm, like, NOT SANE!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Hey, does this dress make me look fickle?

Some of you may remember a certain doomsday post a few or so back about a little hysteria session I was having over the lack of written instructions to the MS 3 thingie. Hmmm. Remember how I carried on and on about my inability to read a chart, my lace knitting misfortunes of the past, and how I was just certain the sky would be falling and (because I love Eyore and all) that it would most probably land directly on my little stole and burn it to shreds? I may have been, uh, mistaken. First of all, the sane and rational have already figured out that the written instructions just take a little longer to get posted, that all issues around them seem to have subsided and that those of us who cannot seem to get through the clue before the one we are desperately waiting on should realize the futility of merely HAVING the pattern in our wee hands. As if possessing it, alone, will ensure it is completed. All I can say is that the beer budget is below pathetic and it is too hot to keep chocolate in the house. Send Red Meat, I'm long passed cheap thrills. Wow, that just sounds so much more exciting than I am in real life! Anyway, because I am sure you are wondering if there really is a point, here, there is - I actually finished clue 2 before clue 3 was available in written form and, because I was running from reality and therefore needed to knit manically for a while, I was practically left with no choice but to try knitting from the chart. At first, the slants and o's were really irritating - fussy little princesses they are. They expect you to notice the slightest slant in their form like you're a porn addict and the slanty lines are your wellspring. Once I got over that and the fact that they also reminded me of high school geometry and algebra which were so very traumatic that I ended up knitting and ripping the same four rows three times, things began to dramatically improve. We are compiling the new and adventurous ways I discovered to use the choicest of curse words. Four letters, hyphenated, a few ya'lls thrown in to give it a cultural flair - its all going to be in the book. To make a long story even more painfully boring and, well, long, I'll just say that something HAPPENED that night. I was able to get into a flow that mere words on the page hadn't afforded me. I could look at my work at the halfway point of the chart and admire my 1/2 row without losing my place and having to stop knitting and add yet another son-of-a-@#$@# to the manuscript. And they always say I can't multi-task.

For the clever and otherwise un-hindered-by-perpetual-anger-and-frustration, there has probably been some notice that I could have also deduced when I was halfway through a row by simply dividing the number of rows by a dear little number 2. I'll skip a tasteless potty mouth reference and just say - think about the math trauma thingie and then get back to me. It isn't just the 1/2 way mark, it's the whole rhythm of the rows that I have not been able to appreciate before. Fickle or not, I'm going over to the chart side for a while and see what happens. After all, I couldn't possible botch the thing more than it already is.....well, actually I know I could but let's just keep pretending, kay?

One more thing, Rabbitch had this up on her blog and while her card was flattering and generally optimistic, I seem to have gotten a great card with a doom booster. What the #&^*&^? See my future, people. Item #1: think about the role of commitment in your life? You can read my response to that one in the book of @##$@ things mom said while knitting lace. Now, move on to item #2: It's possible you need to commit more to others, or deal with how others have treated you. Uhm, would this be covered by my explaining to hubster that the sight of him looking for a severed body part that is very prized in a hayfield would not be revenge enough for me? Let me say - there has been NO chocolate and NO beer as we move on to item #3:It is very important for you to support your friends and family right now, difficult as it may be. A new notation was just made in the book and for a clue as to how it goes, see my response to item #2. Now, drumroll and be sure that just because you're infinitely patient and teaching them all sorts of grand things and you just spent a hellish night in a bookstore with hundreds of loud adolescents all sweaty and panting over the last of the last Harry Potter books you will not be awarded with a guiltless conscience, we approach item #4 (wherein you will be reminded that staying out till 4a.m. just to get a book and dress like a weirdo doesn't mean your rules aren't stupid and you aren't the WORST mom on the planet)You may need to look at your relationship with your mother, or your relationships as a mother Well, isn't that special. Let me go bang my head against a thistle bush, now.

You Are The Empress

You represent the ideal female figure: beauty and nurturing.
You bring security and harmony to many.
At times, you are also a very sensual person.
You are characterized by love, pleasure, and desire.

Your fortune:

You need to take some time to think about the role of commitment in your life.
It's possible you need to commit more to others, or deal with how others have treated you.
It is very important for you to support your friends and family right now, difficult as it may be.
You may need to look at your relationship with your mother, or your relationships as a mother.