Reflections

Hi. I know I haven't been here so much and it's probably arrogant for me to ask you for help but, uhm, have you seen June? I mean, it's a whole 30 days, non? Only, it felt more like 5 days in terms of productivity and 400 in terms of trudging through peanut butter in high heels. That probably has alot to do with the fact that today is the first day in WEEKS that it has not rained. Yes, I said weeks and the day is not over and it was supposed to be not rainy yesterday but turned late in the morning into a soupy downpour that stayed throughout the 25 mile trek home from taking my kid to his games on Saturdays. White knuckle, torrential pouring rain that makes you want an IV backpack of coffee because you have your eyes open SO WIDE that it seems you may never be able to blink again.

Still, call me a gullible soul - the sun is cheering for sure. Thing 1 opened her arms and took a deep breath as it broke through the kitchen window a few hours ago and Thing 3 (presumably tired of either having to choose between outside play that is wet, muddy and warm or staying indoors which for a 9 year old kid amounts to inner torture) jumped up and down and yelled, 'Sun!' as he half tied his shoes and ran out the door to play. Woot! Sun!

It's also been a month for some reflection. Looking into things can be exhilarating but almost always has some things that make you twitch a bit and feel some unease - so spinning is absolutely a lifesaver - LOL. I've been spinning a bit, looking a bit, then sitting back down to the wheel for a bit longer. I can't help feeling like it's all good, though, to look at things for what they really are and sort of do some cleaning house of the life - tidying up what has gone astray, setting new goals, challenges, opening ourselves to possibilities and taking small steps into that 'other' phase of our family life - wherein the kids get older all too quickly and the focus shifts from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for afternoon snacks and play dates and library trips to college applications and really starting to conceptualize the inevitable emptying of the nest. I know it is a couple of years off but, still, it reminds me to drink in as much time in the here and now as I can.

So, what has been going on? Well, alot of mud and wet clothes hanging all over - snork. A birthday happened on Tuesday for moi and I was treated like royalty to some good Indian food at my favorite restaurant and a trip to the pet store where I thought about my dogs (always visit the doggie bar and get them some yummy crackers) and helped Thing 3 start the process of planning for his first real and only his pet - which he's getting for his 10th birthday next month - guinea pigs. Since our old Shebunken goldfish died a little while back - we've all been missing him so we grabbed another and then these little dudes just wouldn't stop flipping around in there bowls and showing off their colors for me. I laughed, thinking about reflection and how much a theme it's been for me lately and knew that this was to be. They are home, here, right next to my knitting and reading spot - 2 little betta dudes who just said they needed to be admired and squealed over by a woman obsessed with flashy color.

The funny thing, for me, about bettas is that they have to live alone. I cherish my time alone but I confess I like to be surrounded by people I love and preferably who love me, too. So the idea of be incapable of having a family is so odd to me. Still, anyone who's been married as long as I have or has three kids living in a tiny house can also appreciate the dark humor of sometimes thinking that if you don't get away - entirely alone - you just might go totally insane - LOL. This little guy is 'Blackbeard'. He's named so because the little neck frill fins that bettas have are very long on this guy and jet black against his shiny, brightly colored body - looking like a pirate, eh? He's the most gorgeous red finned betta I've ever seen and I squealed loudly when he flipped around and I realized that his silvery back turns turquoise in the right light. Color envy doesn't even describe it!

Then, we have Neptune who, true to his namesake the Sea God known for his ability to trap the hearts of women human and not with terrible ease, totally had me from the start. I mean, I first saw him on the water, reflected just like this but with a fin hanging below that perfectly captured his blue/green fins. But, then, when he swam up for a bit of air, I got the reflection of his back as he turned to dive down again and I had to gasp a bit. The guy at the pet store blushed and seemed very uncomfortable with the sound I made - very embarrassing.

Fortunately, even though the bettas despise each other (it seems to all come down to fin envy that results in war - but doesn't every war start with some sort of envy or feeling of betrayal or outdoing?), there is still an option that makes it possible for them to share the water with another fish - a split tank. This is a small one that I'm trying out to see how it works out - if they do well, I'll graduate to a larger one. I'm a true blue altruist, I know, but I have to admit there is a small part of me that's hoping against all hope that they'll learn to love on another and want to live in the same tank someday...Right!

Sun is here, reflections are getting easier to look at, and some hard core spinning has begun in earnest. Are you spinning for the Tour de Fleece this year? I've set an enormous goal of 1 skein a day and have yesterday's skein drying as we speak! Woot! Of course, once during the tour, I have challenged myself to spin a mile of yarn in a day....uhmmmm, the butterflies still swarm in my belly when I think of it but it is going to be Gold Dust Woman so, you know, it will surely be an awesome spin!

So, how are you?